Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
