You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
