Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
