my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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