she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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