We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
