Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
