just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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