Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
