look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
