I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
