I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
