hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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