Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
