He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
