1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Will you blow on my dice?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
