Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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