there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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