my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
