Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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