I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
there was a trapeze. enough said
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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