the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Someone came in the potted fern
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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