The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
