I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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