i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
