If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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