brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
