I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
