There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
