I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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