Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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