Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
