If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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