Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
