OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
