11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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