we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
