that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
