how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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