OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
