be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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