Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
