woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
