I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
