Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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