plz talk dirty to me
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
