I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My ass is underappreciated
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
