i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
