he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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