I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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