I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
