guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
