seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
