i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
