So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
