Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
