So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
