i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
