Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
