My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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