You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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