I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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