Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
