winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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