Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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