My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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