I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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