So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
