This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
