quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
