They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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