did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
