When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
