Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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