What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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