there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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