Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
