im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
