Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
